Doc's diary and Frenzal Rhomb blog
Entry 14
2002-02-01
February 2002 There's nothing more shitful than coming home from 4 tremendously sunny days in Melbourne to be greeted with the torrential rain that Sydney's been experiencing over the last few days. Not that my allegiance to Sydney is waning, it's just all seems a little topsy-turvy at the moment. Or that could just be the side effects of the past week spent in close contact with NoFX.
For those who came to the shows, good bloody onya's all, they were all fucking tops. For those that missed out, sucked in. NofX once again proved why they're the best rock 'n' roll band in the world, and also the best stand-up comedians in existence. It amazes me that people so old can put on such an entertaining show night after night. They even let Jay, Gordy and myself up on stage with them on the second Melbourne show to help them out in a stirring rendition of "The Longest Line". We did our best up against such a tops band, even treating the Melbourne crowds to a new song, tentatively entitled "All Good Looking People Are Fucked In The Head", obviously not about Fat Mike and the other 3 blokes.
A round of applause must go out to Crucial, the touring company that brought the Americans out here, for their tolerance of our sheer unprofessionalism, and subservience to our every whim. And cheers also to Rae, for allowing Gordy and I to go along and annoy everyone at the Gold Coast and Sydney Big Days Out. G'day also to Archie from the Palladium, the cast of DCM's Sydney and the tolerant staff of the International hotel in Melbourne for coming thru with numerous free drinks, cheap entries and star-studded bars respectively.
I would also like to say a little apology to those two young ladies I may have offended after the Newcastle show. I have a vague memory of raising my voices at you both, I had had a wine with dinner, and McDonalds really does stink fairly terribly, but I probably overstepped the mark a bit there. Next time just clock me one and tell me to shut up.
I hope everyone who went to the BDO saw all the tops bands. For mine the Blood Idols, Superheist, Magic Dirt, Frankenbok, Something For Kate, The Spoon, Machine Gun Fellatio, Silverchair, The Monarchs, Jurassic 5 (best in show), Ratcat, New Order and of course NoFX all get two fists up from me.
Now NoFX have followed the Big Day Out over to the Adelaide and Perth, and we're back in Sydney, writing more rock 'n' roll songs and getting ready to deliver Japan's finest, Softball upon salivating audiences up and down the east coast of this fine country. Check the gig dates for details and don't miss out, or you're a cunt.
Also on tour at the moment and who you should definitely not miss is the inimitable Atom and His Package. We get to miss him because we're on tour, but if you're around a venue when he's on, check him out, he rules. Any photos, video footage or recordings of the gigs would be greatly appreciated too. And while you're at it, go out and get his new album, Redefining Music.
We are also blessed with the presence of the brothers Reid this month, also better know as the Proclaimers, so I suggest you should all go along and support a bit of Scottish talent.
And that's it for me for the moment. Go out and buy the new Bad Religion album, they're back at their best; Phillip Ruddock is still a heartless racist cunt, and getting worse by the day, as is his good mate Johnny Howard, and I'm still hungover.
Cheers, love from your good friend, Lindsay Frenzal
Merry Xmas. Entry 13
2001-12-25
An Xmas message from someone who cares.
Hello there people, first of all I would like to wish you all the merriest of xmases and the very happiest for the coming year. But I would also like to speak just a little bit on the true meaning of xmas. Firstly, don't be fooled by the biased media, who use their powers of persuasion and of course the advertising dollar to subvert the true spirit of the season down to their own greedy objectives. Xmas, unlike what they'd have you believe, isn't about giving. It's not about peace and goodwill to all men, it's not about god resting ye very gentlemen or any of that rot. And it's got nothing to do with an unwanted pregnancy, a shoddy cover-up and a backyard birth over 2000 years ago. It's about money. It's about getting stuff. It's about setting free the few weak morals that you cling to and descending into hitherto unknown levels of depravity and excess. It's time to gain that hardcore drug addiction you've been saving yourself for for all these years. It's time to punch a hole in the condom without your partners knowledge. It's time to hug strangers, to kiss strangers, and to pass on that troublesome case of herpes that has reared it's ugly pussing head these holidays. But most of all, it's time to drink alcohol. Continuously. With little or no regard for the irreparable damage you're doing to yourself, or others. Drink in the morning to help you out of bed, drink in the afternoon, when the sun is high and your hydration levels are low. Don't worry if you feel a little tired, don't stop or grab a non alcoholic drink, there's plenty of stuff on the market to keep you awake, some of it even legal. Switch from beer to Vodka and Red Bull, they taste great and make your breath, sweat and piss smell like roses. If that doesn't work, approach that dirty looking guy on the corner and slip him $50. He'll sort you out.
Finally, I'd just like to say a big fuck off to all of you. All of you young, healthy, virile, attractive people with your whole wonderful exciting lives ahead of you, can all get fucked. And most of all, fuck off the everyone in Frenzal Rhomb, especially that lazy Lindsay cunt who couldn't be bothered writing a xmas message to you all, leaving me to spew forth vitriolic bile from my rancid pie-hole in his stead.
Merry Xmas to all, and to all, Goodnight.
Harold Bishop. xox
Entry 12
2001-12-03
Dec 3rd, Birmingham
Well today in Birmingham was a successful excercise in optimism over negtativity. Our friendly promoter for the night met us with news of only 24 presales and the message "To tell you the truth, I'll be happy if we get 70 people". Pessimistic bastard. a few short hours, 3 tops sets from two great bands and us, and over 200 people later, our young Brummy friend was eating his words. We packed the place out, thanks so much to all the lovely people who made it out on that cold, unnattractive night. We even had a return visit from our good friends Lightyear, thankfully this time not bearing gifts of cups of urine.
Dec 4th, Leeds A wonderful day and night in Leeds today, and thankyou very much to the hairdresser who turned me into a fiery red ginger. The show was once again great, cheers to all the tops ladies and gents for showing up. Cheers also to Ido from Useless ID for giving us all a lesson in Hebrew for the intro to Never Had So Much Fun. I'll get him to write it down for me, and then you'll all know it too. Tonight we discovered the embalming qualities of Vodka and Iron Bru, Russia and Scotland meeting up in a spectacular display of boozy excellence; and also the fabled absinthe, which failed to make any of us hallucinate, no matter how much we tried.
Dec 5th, Newcastle A sold out show? Fuck off! Still, shows there's no accounting for taste in the North of England. Good on yas all. We played in a room above a Charity Fashion show, and I'm sure they appreciated our presence at their after-party. Never has such a clash of cultures left me with so much of a hangover, many shots of After-Shock letting us all in on the origin of it's name. Sorry for the oversaturation of booze-stories, but it's just an honest representation of the tour so far. Of course we've met some tops people, and seen some great things and experienced some wonderful traditions and cultures; but we got drunk too, and that's far easier to write about when feeling so rather seedy.
Dec 6th, Glasgow, Scotland, you doss cunts. Cheers to you all, today we're in Glasgow and it's looking fucking tops so far. I love this city. no pretentions, no bullshit, and no one's afraid to call you a cunt. More news as it comes to hand.
Entry 11
2001-11-30
Nov 30, Leicester, back in the motherland
Had a great day in Leicester. Back in ol' Blightey. A bloody hot show, always lovely to leave the stage dripping with the sweat of so many stinking bodies. Cheers to the bartender for re-introducing us to the tremendous mix of Beer and Stones Green Ginger Wine, as well as possibly giving James from Slow Gerkhin his new favourite drink.
Dec 1, Brighton (not in south Sydney you idiot!) Today we got to Brighton, and what a fucking tops place that was. It was even sunny, well for a few hours anyway. Markets and trinkets everywhere, and more vego restaurants than you could poke a notdog at. Of course Gordy and I, being the dickheads we are went to the first restaurant we saw and got stuck with a piece of shit boring pastry, when next door Jay and Adrian were treated to a full vegan fuck off breakfast, with bacon and everyfuckingthing. Oh well. enough talk about food, because I'm hungover and it's making me feel sick. There was a vego shoe store there too, so I got myself a new pair of kicks. Not really up there in the fashion stakes, Gordy likening them to large boats, but at least unlike my old pair they're not taking in water. the venue we played in was pretty cool, but it also had the biggest pretentious cunt of a security guard working there. "no no, I can't let you come in and take a shower unless you sign in, and I need some proof of your identity first,and you must sign in every time you come in, and can I have the name of your tour organiser so I can verify who you're with... I no you don't take this seriously, but we're living in an age of terrorism". Fucking arsehole.
The show, on the other hand was bloody tops. Heaps of cunts jumping around like dickheads, as well as a fair representation from the Aussies. Highlight of the show is something which is becoming a regular, Nissim bombarding the crowd with his blistering jawharp solo. Score one for palestin, chief. It was partytime afterwards, and many thanks to Bec and Stu for housing Slow Gherkin for the night, as well as playing host to us rowdy Australians, two bottles of vodka and a soundman with a song in his heart, and on the acoustic guitar to match. Again and again and again.
Dec 2, Bristol Well first of all I would like to give a massive round of applause to Bev and Robin from The Fleece, the fucking tops venue we played at in Bristol. And a relatively cumbersome round of handclaps for the city itself, for finding time on a Sunday to entertain us with markets, rollercoasters and even vegan hot dogs. Cheers also go out to the street saxophonist, for his interpretive rendition of Baker Street for us. Seriously though, if ever you find yourself stuck for something to do in Bristol, head on down to the Fleece, it bloody rules! The show itself was bloody marvellous, the place full to the brim with idiots with no regard for their own personal safety. Tops onya to all of you! And one lucky punter managed the score of a lifetime, Jason's Bouncing Souls jacket, which he ever so intelligently left somewhere in the club before doors and now is no doubt on the back of some scoundrel. He tells me the marijuana's in the top left pocket, in case you're having trouble finding it. In other news, Brendan's winning the nose hair length competition, his about a millimetre longer than Gordy's. Nice one Bruz.
Lindsay.
Entry 10
2001-10-20
Well good afternoon to all of you lovely readers out there.And welcome to one more gripping edition of Frenzal's tour diary le Europe. Today we'll be discussing Switzerland, and the effect of strong beer on young gentlemen whilst there; Frenzal Rhomb's triumphant return to Germany will also be dealt with. And we'll also have a chat about an anomaly in the land of Frenzal - the rare day off. Went to Switzerland, played, got drunk. Went to Stuttgart, played, got drunk, went to Essen, had a day off, got drunk. Played show in Essen, got drunk. Sorry for the brevity, but I'm having a little trouble remembering details. More news as it comes to hand, or mind.
And remember - trust me, I'm a doctor.