Meet The Family (1997)

Album image 1 Album image 2 Album image 3
1. Mum Changed The Locks (1:57) Back to tracklist

Returning home, I look forward to the thrill
Of another lecture or another pointless drill.
Ascend the front steps dreading further war
Why the fuck is my key not fitting in the door?
I guess I'm not wanted, I wonder what I'll do
I've already been banned from my friends houses too.
I wonder what I did to make my mum so mad
No perfect homelife but the only one I had.

Oh my god, mum changed the locks.

Now I've got my freedom but no place to go
No prospects or money to go to a show.
I haven't got on well with my mum all year
Can't use the phone to call my friends for a beer

2. Mr. Charisma (2:18) Back to tracklist

When he walks into the room men sit up and women swoon
Everybody murmers "He's here"
He's the most important guy
never stop to wonder why
He's always got so much to say

He's so cool, he
makes the rules

Many witty anecdotes one day he will surely choke
on a story far away
he's so cool he'll never die,
makes us laugh and makes us cry
If only he'd promised to stay home

He's the man
He's the man for us

He's Mr., Mr. Charisma

We see him every other day, he's another world away
We could hang with him all the time
He's too perfect to be true,
I can doubt but so would you
patiently I'm waiting to find out
What's behind....that
sickly smile

He's Mr., Mr. Charisma

Well I went to your brother but your brother lied
He said what you see on the outside is what you get inside
I said, I'd like to believe it but I have my doubts
and I think he might be evil but I wouldn't want to shout about it

He's so strange
He's quite deranged

He's Mr., Mr. Charisma

3. There's Your Dad (2:03) Back to tracklist

We're on line and we're fine but we're out of time
not a crime, it's a sign by the grace of god goes I
could it be that you see one of your family insanity
affecting the paternity of your family tree

there's your dad
look at him over there, he's looking sad.

getting round, round the town, now you're going down
to that place it's the case you barely recognise the face
There he is, looking in to the garbage bin
with a grin, he's not so thin.
Could it be, that it's plain to see... a lobotomy

there's your dad
look at him over there, he's looking sad.

there's your dad
why don't you go and talk to him, he's not that bad


if you haven't the time when he's running wild to
to confide in the man that has got the master plan
well you won't be alone you'll have kids of your own
and then what's to be said when you have
to rest your head on a newspaper bed

4. Racist (2:36) Back to tracklist

I get tired of finding out, that what
you think is given in the best relationships
is just a pile of shit
Well I get tired of finding out that what you take
for granted is thrown back in your face
Sometimes it seems too late.
To educate when there's a national debate, on an
issue that appears to be so straight-forward and
you say it's alright, but it's not alright, it's not alright.
To ignore is to condone it if you think
about it don't shut up. You might as well be speaking
at the next one nation meeting.
And everytime you have a pointless dickhead relating
another unfunny ignorant joke based on pigment you should say
That belongs in yesterday.
Start today you can say it's not OK, don't go along for the ride
well it's not too late for you to say when they say that it's alright
well it's not alright, it's not alright

Some of my best friends are racist.
I'm not racist but...

I get tired of finding out that what you
take for granted is thrown back into your face.
What a fucking waste.

Please don't feed me that old bullshit of the
whispering of the soul, you must be dreaming 'cause
my soul is screaming to shutup you reactionary fuck

5. Ship of Beers (2:15) Back to tracklist

I've never been the type to travel on the sea
without at least a pint to keep me company
never in my dreams did I imagine that a vessel of this
nature existed for our pleasure, it's so hard to believe
that we will embark and to sail the open seas all the while
we will be accompanied by a sense of well-being
and a million lagers

Sail away on this ship of beers

The sea is getting rough, but we're oblivious
to the danger of the savage force of this
tremendous raging beast, we're
lying down below and dreaming of the land where the trees
are shaped like cans and we're wholly confident of
this craft and our inevitable descent along with the crew
and captain I suspect are sinking down into a drunken stupor.

Sail away

Something must be wrong the sea is very angry now
it won't be long 'till Davy Jones can claim me - hopefully
he'll fell like a cleansing ale after all he's only human.

Sail away on this ship of beers

6. Be Still My Beating Off (2:20) Back to tracklist

If it's easier to discuss this
privately without you dad the
minister who doesn't take
kindly to your pursuits then
I'll oblige.
Was it you that was found
with your pants down
watching your favourite cartoon
yelling at the shopkeeper
for the changing of the channel
say to your self:
"Be still my beating off"
well it may be inappropriate
for someone in your position
as a cop to satisfy
yourself at the local blue light disco
say to yourself:
"Be still my beating off"
there's no crime when you choose your time
and your place to masturbate in a public place
you will be disgraced, it's your right to choose
whether or not you want to be on the news.
Well I'm sure the judge will
look lightly
on your case considering I saw him
earlier at the footy
having a quick one off the wrist then
say to yourself:
"Be still my beating off"

7. I Hate My Brain (2:08) Back to tracklist

Some people say that your brain is a product
if I bought it today I would take it back tomorrow
So many defects and faults sometimes I wish I didn't
need one at all because

I hate my brain.

When ignorance gets a hold of your neurons then it's not hard
to be tempted by its bliss its easy to get annoyed
when you focus on one thing until it almost disappears.

I hate my brain.

Some people say that your brain is your master not your
mind or your soul, it is what you have to follow,
I guess I'll try to find some common ground so we
can get along. I said: I hate my brain.

8. The Ballad Of Tim Webster (1:55) Back to tracklist

Time for our play of the day, and it's a case of being torn between two loves - an age-old problem:
What comes first, the beer or the ball?

You remind me of a god you are my hero
An authority on all and sundry, it's remarkable your
depth of knowledge but there's something wrong with your eyes.

What are they protecting you from
There's something wrong with your eyelids.

Very politically incorrect, but very funny.

9. U.S.Anus (2:20) Back to tracklist

Well we live in a nation where Nike shoes and
Pepsi cans are breeding like cancerous cells
It's not hard to believe it and it's hard to ignore it when
our governments get on so well, well well....


If you don't want to face it then you'll have to
embrace it like the virus of that big golden sign.
It's the great open market if we're good we'll get
rewarded with some lunch money and a chance
to buy, we've got to buy or say good-bye.


When we go down, down, down, to that distinctive
sound of the universe when ready to blow
we can be safe in the knowledge of that flag saluting
prosecution 'cause we'll almost be the first to go, the first to go


10. Constable Care (1:39) Back to tracklist

I thought you were by my side
before I had to run and hide
from the caring constabulary
they're there to protect you and me

How can you be justified
making money from people's lives
we don't believe in what you say
you broke my arm/legs but that's O.K.

I got the fuck kicked out of me by constable care

12. Hakimashita (2:24) Back to tracklist

I have been feeling below par
and I can not even find the green
I'm feeling under the weather
That is to say it's on top of
me. I don't feel good today
I can't help it anyway.
I can not help my emissions
even if maybe they're a social faux pas
gastronomical extradition's
I shouldn't have spent all my time in the bar.
Hakimashita, I've soiled myself again.
My stomachs subsiding it's about time
I'm thinking of returning to duty now
Hang on I'm sure that's such a
good idea I might return to the bowl,
I don't feel good today
I can't help it anyway
Language has never been much a
barrier when it applies to this
There's not many misunderstandings that
arise following a vomit kiss.

13. Genitals Are Funny (1:37) Back to tracklist

There are some things in nature like
giraffes when they're having sex that are so funny, it's plain
to see.
Some people take offence but my friend Darwin
agrees with me that god has no might
and science is right.
And we're supposedly on top of the evolutionary scale
most things seem to have them from an insect to a whale.
Genitals are funny, they're so funny.
Some people of the moral christian right
they fail to see the joke when adam and eve
removed their fig leaves.
The holocaust would have turned out incredibly
differently if on that dark night Hitler was
pantsed on sight.
And if you can't understand or read the humour in
what I just wrote why don't you take a long hard look
at some testes or a scrote (um)
Genitals are funny, they're so funny.
[Middle bit]
Some folk amusement from the telling
of sexest jokes, they think they're a clown
while they put people down.
Why is it that what we're born with is perceived
as awfully crude, would anything be rude if
we were always nude.
It's the great equaliser, it renders us the same
and there's nothing quite as humorous as
pushing up the brain.
Genitals are funny, they're so funny

14. All Your Friends (2:26) Back to tracklist

Kicking & fighting that's what you know,
the way you're treated only goes to show.
That your popularity is all in your head, it's in your head.
No-one came round to your house today,
the phone doesn't ring, you think that's O.K.
It must be the weather or they had to go & visit their
grand mother instead.
All your friends think you're a fuckhead
A good paranoia is what you lack
Your friends always talking behind your back.
Of course it has nothing to do with the simple fact
that nothing you say is of any worth.
There's always a challenge to see who leaves first.
Someone should tell you but we're all way
too afraid, to say that
All your friends think you're a fuckhead
You thought that they were friends that you would
never lose, why
you're so charismatic when you're on the booze
Sometimes your friends behaviour is so
difficult to excuse.
To pay your bills on time well that wouldn't do,
You don't take your library books 'till they're
overdue-It's the only way that you will ever get
a letter to come to you-
All your friends think you're a fuckhead.

15. Beaded Curtains (Part Two) (0:11) Back to tracklist
16. Beaded Curtains (Part Three) (0:12) Back to tracklist
17. Guns Don't Kill Ducklings (Ducklings Kill Ducklings) (2:14) Back to tracklist

When you see that feathered friend better get out of the way,
especially if they're packing a piece better arm yourself today.
It's us or them have to stop them in their tracks,
Always keep watching your back.
It's time to kill not a time to die so load your weapons now,
There's a dark cloud on the skyline better shoot those suckers down.
They're out to get you, you'd better be first.
Give them what they deserve.
Guns don't kill duckling, ducklings kill ducklings
Stop them all they will destroy our whole society,
Guns don't kill duckling, ducklings kill ducklings
they're the biggest threat to your masculinity.
It's not a sport if the other team doesn't want to play.
Need to lend a helping gun don't let them get away.
Pick on someone with a limited I.Q.
start shooting at someone like you.
Guns etc.
They're here to start the fight
look in your sights what do you see?
Is it the innocence you call the enemy
or is it a sad reflection on your capacity to deal with your
fucked up inbred violent tendencies.

18. You Can't Move Into My House (2:26) Back to tracklist

Hope you don't think I'm rude
Fuck You
Hope you don't think I'm precious
Fuck You
Hope you see I'm well adjusted:
I can't stand the sight of you
Don't wanna be startin somethin
Don't want to antagonise,
All I said was something simple:
I can't stand the sight of you,
I can't stand the sight of you.
Don't believe, don't believe the words
I don't believe all the things I've heard about you.
I will be saying this in your defense:
I'd rather eat a fridge full of arses than know you.
And I've tried with all my might to see past
all you failing but I've failed to give a fuck
You're a fuck-up, you're a joke,
You're a clown, take your pants down,
Get fucked you fucking fuckwit
no you can't move into my house.
With a range of ethics that are quite perverse
You're sitting in the centre of your own universe
Not content to sit upon the fence, you'll fall
either way ignoring common sense
I look into your eyes and seen a haze
of your twisted sensibilities and little saving grace.
I believe, I believe the words, of your
best friend when he likened you to a steaming turd.
And when he said he wished that you were dead,
It was the most intelligent thing that anyone's ever said.
And I've tried with all my might to see past
all your failings but I failed to give a fuck.
[Chorus ad nauseum]

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